The stress at work isn’t really about work…
“I am so busy and overwhelmed” is the common statement of many people in regards of their jobs.
It is true that work is one of the top causes of stress, studies report.
Poor leadership, low pay, long hours, high demands and not enough staff create an environment for high stress. There are many companies that have very dysfunctional management and no high values on employees happiness and well being. They are for profit and not for people. This is just a fact.
With all this said, most people including some of my clients who report high stress from work don’t have low pay, or are woking on these bad companies. They are constantly overwhelmed, but overwhelmed by what? I always ask that with deep compassion and curiosity.
Why work, which is supposed to be a place where we express our art, our talents and build relationships has become so stressful for so many?
Is the stress really about work?
Pause for a second and ask yourself: what is my participation in my own stress? Our perceptions, beliefs and expectations play a big part in the stress that we create for ourselves.
Stress is all about perception, as you know. It is not a situation at work that causes you stress, it is what you think about it and feel about the situation that causes the internal turmoil and discomfort. I am speaking specifically about psychological and emotional stress. (Breath, diet, exercise, sleep, hydration are foundations that if not cared for will cause physiological stress)
If stress is all about perception, then we need to explore what is behind our perceptions. What is the belief underneath that perception? In other words, in a real scenario at work, why some people in a meeting feel calm, present and others feel anxious and frustrated? What is happening inside these individuals?
The challenges at the office, specially when it comes to relationships which is one of the top stressors at work is that everyone is bringing their baggage with them.
All the unresolved painful emotions, the stored trauma in the body and the limiting belief that “I am not good enough” are coming to work. These are the buried stressors that most people are carrying inside every single day.
Life happens, stress happens at work. Why are some people relaxed and resilient and others lose their center all the time? It is not genetics, I will tell you that!
The answer is that what each person carries inside will affect their perception and their capacity to handle stress - aka resilience. If your resilience is low is not because you are flawed, weak or there is something wrong with your brain.
It is because you are carrying too much inside you. If you are carrying unresolved anger, grief, resentment and/or fear, your capacity to handle stress suffers because those emotions take a lot of space and energy inside you. They are robbing your life force, your energy, they are making you tired and when we are tired, our resilience decreases. You live in survival.
In survival you will be reactive, edgy and get frustrated easily. And those reactions have NOTHING to do with what is happening in that present moment. I will say that again, those reactions have nothing to do with what is happening in that present moment.
When we react and get upset, we are no longer in the present moment, says Dr. Gabor Maté M.D. - author and expert in stress and trauma. The situation is triggering a wound inside us.
Do you see the big picture? How many people are suffering and unconsciously they are creating more stress at work?
There is a big conversation these days about emotional intelligence, being vulnerable at work through open conversations and mindfulness. All these strategies are great.. Awareness is the first step to create change.
And yet those strategies are not enough. It is each person’s responsibility to heal and release their “baggage”.
We are responsible for our energy.
If you want your work environment to become healthier, happier and more holistic you need to make the first move. Change happens from inside out.
Our challenges can be such a gift. Use the challenges you have at work to explore the deeper issues that are causing the stress. Be curious and compassionate. Everything that triggers you holds a map that has the potential to lead you to healing and freedom.
Stress is addicting and it can become a vicious cycle of disempowerment and eventually disease. When you catch yourself saying that you are stressed, overwhelmed, frustrated, go deeper. Here are some ideas for you to explore on your journal and find some peace and freedom:
What is the cause of my stress? Be as specific as possible.
What Am I feeling? Feeling, not perceiving. Feel the emotions - angry, sad, anxious, scared, frustrated…
What deep belief do I have that is causing these emotions?
Explore these few questions, keep the focus on you, not in another person or in the situation itself.
We need to be in an environment that feels safe in order to grow. If you are working in a dysfunctional company that operates from a place of authority that is abusive and aggressive, speak up or find a way to leave and search for a place that believes in the well being of their employees. A place that values growth, health and happiness. A place which you can thrive.
Remember this, life brings obstacles to us so we can see where we are trapped in our thoughts, beliefs and emotions. Our challenges hold a key to our freedom if we have the courage to explore it with fierce honesty. Don’t miss an opportunity to heal and to grow. Be curious about the triggers and the stress. Don’t make it about something outside of you and you will learn something precious.
Much love, Alex.
“Be at least as interested in what goes inside you as what happens outside. If you get the inside right, the outside will fall into place.” Eckart Tolle.