Why can’t I stick with that fitness program? Why do I feel so flat and unproductive? What is wrong with me?

Do you hear these questions weekly or even daily? Are you being hard on yourself?

In a society that constantly values high performance and productivity, it's tough not to feel inadequate. This pressure only adds to the exhaustion so many people are feeling, ultimately leading to burnout. Many of us carry the deep-seated belief of “I am not good enough,” and this belief only intensifies when we're unable to keep up with the relentless pace of life.

But here's the truth: there is nothing wrong with you. If anything, it's the system that pushes us to overdrive, equating success with financial gains and external accolades.

“You lack nothing. ”That's right. You lack nothing—there is no lack of love, abundance, or resources within you.

You might think, How is that possible when I don’t have enough money for bills, feel alone, or am exhausted with no energy to change or create anything?

Let’s explore who is perceiving this lack in your life. Is it you? Your mind? Your beliefs? Is it the meanings you attach to everything?

It’s our body-mind system that perceives lack—this great illusion that tells us there isn’t enough. This started in childhood when we lost touch with our essence and authenticity, shaped by parents who, themselves, were caught in the illusion. We believed we weren’t enough, and this strengthened the ego within us.

The more I walk this path of healing and transformation, the more I understand the states of the spirit, which I call the states of the Heart.

The states of the Heart are peace, joy, love, and freedom. Most of us spend at least half of our lives chasing external things with the promise of acquiring these states.

I will not be the first or last to tell you that no matter what you achieve in the material world, whether it’s a sexy spouse or millions of dollars, you will not necessarily experience those states. This realization leaves many in despair and depression.

The chase for things is the business of the egoic mind, which is purely attached to the body. The more we are attached and identified with the body, the further we are from the Heart-Spirit. We live in a split state.

If you are seeking help with stress management, well-being, and healing, or dealing with significant challenges in your life, you may be questioning whether you need a therapist or a life coach.

You might be considering a life coach because your previous experience with therapy didn't yield the results you wanted. Conversely, you might have worked with a life coach who focused on positive mindset but didn't achieve optimal results.

I am sharing these insights to clarify the dilemma of “who can really help me?”

Let's first focus on the main differences between a life coach and a psychotherapist.Education and Credentials

What is healing? One thing that I ponder every day, which truly triggers my deep curiosity, is why so few devote their time and energy to healing. So many start the journey and either don’t heal or simply give it up.

So what does healing really mean? You may think of a disease in the body that no longer exists, or childhood trauma that no longer causes you anger or pain.

We can agree that healing is a process of creating freedom from pain, physical, mental, and emotional. Here are some of my short definitions of healing:

Healing is the return to wholeness.Healing is remembering our essence and innocence.

Healing is letting go of the past. Healing is letting go of fear.

How do we move from hurting to healing?

What I describe as hurt is that uncomfortable feeling of sadness, anger, disappointment. We experience these heated emotions in our bodies that take over our brain and our bodies. In this emotional state, we often find ourselves caught in a cycle of rumination, self-justification, and judgment toward others. We want he/she to fix, to mend that for us so we can go back to balance and calm.” “We want he/she to fix that for us so we can go back to balance and calm.” Let me translate this in the language of our wound or the younger self:

“I need you to make me feel safe again because this situation reminds me the times I felt abandoned, hurt, neglected, unseen, unheard….”Dr. Gabor Maté says that when we are upset, it is rarely, if ever about the present moment. In the upset, our emotions are rarely rooted in the present moment; instead, they are rooted in our past. In my work we call this baggage.

John Lennon said, "Love is All You Need" Do you realize that it is all about Love? Early on in childhood we lose ourselves, we disconnect from our bodies, from our essence , we develop limiting beliefs, we experience trauma, develop neurosis....all because of the loss of love and connection? It all starts with the loss of love and our journey of healing is a journey of returning to Love. As Gabor Maté says, we get hurt in relationships, we heal in relationships. This is a true statement.

We yearn for the freedom to be our authentic selves, to experience love in its purest form, and to align our thoughts and actions with our core values. We desire the freedom of expression, allowing us to pursue our passions and make that our daily calling - a career. I call this the liberation of our heart and mind. What gets in the way of our freedom? Fear. As a devotee of Love, my role, when engaged by a client, is to guide them toward identifying and dismantling the barriers that obstruct their ability to feel, embody, and live a life filled with love.

Most people do not want to go to therapy, see a life coach, or engage in any inner work because of the fear of feeling.

What if the gem of truth that sets us free lies within those buried feelings? In my experience and all my studies of stress and disease, trauma and spirituality, feeling guides us towards healing if we are willing to acknowledge the truth.

Why do we fear the truth?

Many of my clients and friends often express discouragement, wondering how they can change their reactions and behaviors that no longer serve them. They feel trapped in patterns of anger and frustration and finally surrender, saying, "I don't know how."

I can relate to their struggles because I, too, have experienced moments of frustration in my therapist/teacher's office and even during my introspective times alone. Trying hard to change ourselves and the outcomes in our lives, we sometimes feel as though we are not making any progress. This can lead us to believe that something is wrong with us.

We don’t feel safe .Covid times amplified the sense of “I am not safe” for many people. People who were already struggling with fear related to trust, closeness and social engagements became even more fearful. The message all day long in the news was very strong - “Don’t be with people, they may make you sick and you may even die.” We stoped listening to each other The polarization became so bad that we could not just have a conversation about our different ideas and learn from each other. True connection carries compassion and curiosity. Can we get curious instead of judgmental? It is a choice.

In a state of curiosity and compassion we say things like “tell me more”, or “talk to me about your beliefs behind that decision”. In a state of fear and separation we judge, we shame, we react. We make others wrong.

What I call madness is the anxieties of our society, the constant chase for validation and the rumination in the mind about what others think. I caught myself in this madness before. I know what it feels like and where it all comes from and if we don’t deal with it, it drives us to madness, drama and unnecessary pain. What is underneath your over drive to achieve goals so you get the validation that you are successful? What is underneath the addictive habit of giving to others so you get the validation that you are good and your are liked? What is underneath the anxious mind ruminating on what your boyfriend said to validate if you are loved and sexy enough?

When did we stop loving ourselves?What did go wrong in humanity? What did go wrong in our childhood? How did we forget that innate feeling of love towards ourselves?This hit me the the other day as I was thinking about my own journey of returning to love, recovering my essence that got lost long time ago. What is authentic self LOVE? Let me start by stating what self love isn’t.

I am coming out of the closet! Ha, not in my romantic lifestyle preferences, that happened already in my 30’s! This time I am referring to my deep spiritual side, the spiritual teacher in me is coming out, I have been shy for too long. I am ready to share a lot with you, if you are interested. I have to say I have hard time using the “teacher” word because I feel much more as a student of the Spirit. When we really commit to walk on the spiritual path we become humble students of the Universe, Divine, Source, God, Quantum field…whatever you are comfortable calling this force that is the true creator of all.

Is unconscious fear corrupting your productivity and performance? If you worry a lot, if you struggle with anxiety, if you call yourself a “control freak”, if you feel overwhelmed most days, if you have difficulty sustaining focus, if you live in reaction mode, if your brain feels exhausted…the answer is YES, fear is corrupting your performance. You have that power because the brain is malleable, because you can change your mind and you can make choices that promote growth and healing.

Why work, which is supposed to be a place where we express our art, our talents and build relationships has become so stressful for so many? Is your stress really about work? Pause for a second and ask yourself: what is my participation in my own stress? Our perceptions, beliefs and expectations play a big part in the stress that we create for ourselves. Stress is all about perception, as you know. It is not a situation at work that causes you stress, it is what you think about it and feel about the situation that causes the internal turmoil and discomfort. I am speaking specifically about psychological and emotional stress. (Breath, diet, exercise, sleep, hydration are foundations that if not cared for will cause physiological stress)

What if I told you that your performance and productivity will increase if you commit to less actions and less effort? According to psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyl, author of Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, flow is the state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter. You have experienced this state many times, I am sure. Maybe running, mountain biking, writing or even having a great conversation with your best friend. It is a state where you are fully present, engaged and your mind isn’t thinking about anything in particular. You are just there, totally enjoying the moment and the action feels effortlessness.

Where are you abandoning yourself?

This is a great time of the year to have deeper reflections about your life, your year and evaluate what you want to leave behind and not carry into the new year. Abandonment issues are often discussed in therapist offices or with life coaches like myself. The question I have here for you today is not who abandoned you. I am much more interested in exploring the parts of you that you have abandoned. Have you abandoned your heart? Have you abandoned your body? Have you abandoned your soul calling?

Holidays are the times of great joy and also great stress for many people. I am speaking today about the stress of gatherings, families together. The stress may that uncle, that friend, the sister, the obnoxious brother in law, the mother in law…always someone right? Because you have the power to create new experiences, different experiences for yourself and even others. If you show up being the same person you were in the last holiday dinner, you may have the exact stressful same situation.

Anxiety is prevalent among high achievers, who are the type of clients I work with mostly. High achievers can be described as people who are very goal oriented and like to get things done. They have hard time not being busy, they neglect rest and deep recovery which can lead to imbalances of course, like burn out, fatigue, dis-ease, depression, weight gain and ironically more anxiety