How to Change Negative Patterns and Embrace Self-Love
“We need love for our spiritual growth.” A. H. Almaas
Many of my clients and friends often express discouragement, wondering how they can change their reactions and behaviors that no longer serve them. They feel trapped in patterns of anger and frustration and finally surrender, saying, "I don't know how."
I can relate to their struggles because I, too, have experienced moments of frustration in my therapist/teacher's office and even during my introspective times alone. Trying hard to change ourselves and the outcomes in our lives, we sometimes feel as though we are not making any progress. This can lead us to believe that something is wrong with us.
However, I want to shed some light on this matter: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU.
Inside each of us lies old baggage - negative emotions and limiting beliefs. These were formed at an early age when our minds created models and distortions about ourselves, others, and the world. These patterns show up daily in our lives.
We must understand that we have patterns that need to be changed, but this does not mean that there is something inherently wrong with us. We are not our patterns. These patterns are expressions of survival strategies that we developed during childhood and difficult times. They represent our YOUNG SELF.
It's important to recognize that we learned to put on masks and create personas to "fit in," belong, seek validation, and survive. However, as mature adults, these masks become a hazard, blocking love, growth, connection, abundance, joy, creativity, and vitality.
On our healing journey, we begin to see these masks for what they are and understand how they served us in the past. The key is to let go of them as they no longer serve us positively. Healing is about rediscovering who we are beneath these patterns and personalities. It's a journey back to wholeness, to the Heart.
This journey can be both challenging and rewarding, as we get to know ourselves intimately. The quote "Know thyself" holds deep meaning and simplicity.
Courage, compassion, and curiosity are fundamental qualities to develop on this journey of self-discovery and healing. Embracing self-love and healing ourselves are the most loving acts we can do for ourselves and others.
Changing our patterns takes self-reflection and honesty. Here is a map to help you; I recommend using a journal:
What patterns do you want to change?
How are these patterns being expressed in your life? (Name the behaviors)
Understand the function that pattern had in your childhood - have compassion for the young self.
What emotions are driving these patterns? (Anger, sadness, grief, hurt, fear)
Seek help to heal the old emotions (trauma-informed/somatic coaches/therapists)
Have daily healthy habits to bring you health and energy (Positive mindset, breathe, movement, diet, hydration, sleep).
Get Out of Survival and Embrace Positive Changes in Life!
We cannot effectively change or grow while in survival mode. During such times, it is not ideal to address patterns and behaviors that require transformation.
Currently, most people's nervous systems are operating in survival mode. Before you can reflect, have compassion, and create positive changes in your life, you need to achieve self-regulation. This simply means being present, relaxed, and feeling safe.
Cultivating a healthy lifestyle is key to achieving balance in life, promoting growth, and enabling learning.
But where do you start?
The Physical Body: Take good care of your body so that you have the life force necessary to make the changes you desire in your life.
The Mental Body: Feed your mind with books, podcasts, audiobooks, and engaging conversations that are nourishing and inspiring.
The Emotional Body: Be aware of your emotions and acknowledge their presence. Don't judge them or push them away. Learn to feel and find gratitude. Create a space within yourself where all emotions can coexist, and from there, you can make the necessary changes.
Have a Spiritual Practice: Incorporate a spiritual practice into your life. It could be walking in nature, having a meditation routine, reading spiritual texts, connecting with God or Source energy, or simply connecting with your heart - Love. The practice should allow you to be still and embrace silence.
By taking care of your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being, you will be better equipped to step out of survival mode and welcome positive changes into your life. Remember, self-regulation and self-care are the foundations for personal growth and transformation. Embrace these practices, and you will find yourself on a path to a more fulfilling and balanced life.
If you want to learn more about how to change and how to create a healthier life style, check my You Tube channel, my Podcast or book a free 20 minutes call.
Remember, change is possible, and the path to self-acceptance and growth is worth exploring. Embrace the journey, and you'll find that you are capable of transforming patterns that no longer serve you, leading to a more fulfilling and authentic life.
Much love, Alex.