Why is it hard to let go of anxiety? Part 3.
On the first blog I wrote about the concept that anxiety is an alarm in the body and it is learned during our childhood. On the second one I shared the concept of why many of us, professionals, call anxiety the protector - a “friend”. A friend who saved you in childhood, and it no longer serves you as an adult.
Anxiety is prevalent with high achievers, who are the type of clients I work with mostly.
High achievers can be described as people who are very goal oriented and like to get things done. They have hard time not being busy, they neglect rest and deep recovery which can lead to imbalances of course, like burn out, fatigue, dis-ease, depression, weight gain and ironically more anxiety.
Anxiety is associated with high pace, high energy and multi tasking. Unfortunately this energy does not come from “clean fuel”. It is a chaotic and incoherent type of energy.
It is an energy driven by fear.
Remember that anxiety comes from a chronic state of worry. Worry is a prediction of what can go wrong in the future. It is the “what if?” It is based on fear of discomfort and fear of pain.
Primarily fear of UNCERTAINTY, which creates a deep need for control.
When I dig deep with my clients to get to the root cause of their anxiety, I find a common cause that many people share, a common need they have:
Need to be successful, to be the best of the best. Why?
It is not just the standard to be the best, it is based on self-worth.
Ready for a mic drop?
“If I am not always succeeding, I am not worthy.”
This is a “disease” of our society that is based on high achievement. A society that values material and accomplishments more than health, happiness and well-being.
A key word here - VALUE. Worth is a sense that we matter, that we are valued and we add value to the world. The problem is that most people who struggle with chronic anxiety only feel valued for what they do, how much they do and not who they are BEING. It is an endless sense of “I am not doing enough” which comes from I am not enough issue.
Our deep sense of not feeling good enough and valued keeps us in this vicious cycle of “more is better”. There is an unconscious belief that if we do more, we will fix that “not enough” core issue.
It is an illusion, you won’t fix that by doing more, you will break yourself by doing more. You know that to be true.
So here is the conundrum. If you know this to be true, why are you still chasing the next thing?
Because it is not YOU! It is the program in you. It is the pattern in you.
The concern is if you let go of this “friend” who will push you all the time to excel, to be the best, how will you be successful, worthy, enough?
I had clients who told me that if they let go of anxiety, they would be lazy, they would not get things done and they would not feel in control. In other words, they would not feel worthy and enough.
To heal anxiety we heal the wound of low self-worth and the sense of not being enough.
Once we start healing the wounded younger self who adopted this survival strategy, the anxiety begins to dissolve. That part of us needs to believe that she/he is whole and good in nature, regardless of any achievement.
Think of someone in your life who you may love being around, someone who sees you, hears you and deeply cares about you, someone you truly love. Do you care what she/he has achieved, how much money they have? My guess is no, you don’t care. Can you give yourself the same love?
You are LOVE. That is all there is. And of course, in this place of love in us, love for a cause, love for a mission we build a career, a profession where we do what we love and we start working more on us than our jobs. Our work becomes the expression of that love.
You will not be lazy without anxiety. You will not become less productive without anxiety.
You don’t need fear to motivate yourself.
Love is the best motivator!
I could share tons of science with you about high performance and productivity. I used to teach the work force how to increase productivity and I assure you, anxiety actually hurts your performance and productivity.
My invitation to you here, if you are someone struggling with anxiety is to consider another way. There is a much better way to work and to live a happy, healthy and fulfilled life.
Let go of your anxiety, give it up. It served you, give a thanks to it. Let it go.
You have always been good, and whole. Time to release the illusions and come back to your essence.
Peace and love, Alex.