When did you abandon yourself?
Where are you abandoning yourself?
This is a great time of the year to have deeper reflections about your life, your year and evaluate what you want to leave behind and not carry into the new year.
Abandonment issues are often discussed in therapist offices or with life coaches like myself.
The question I have here for you today is not who abandoned you. I am much more interested in exploring the parts of you that you have abandoned.
Have you abandoned your heart? Have you abandoned your body? Have you abandoned your soul calling?
Not sure? Let me rephrase the questions in one simple question:
What areas in your life have you been saying “yes” when your authentic self wants to say “no”?
Every time you say yes to something or someone when your heart and soul are whispering a NO, you abandon yourself again and again.
The cost of abandoning ourselves is high. I know this because I have done myself.
I had abandoned my heart, my own needs for years in order to fit in, to be loved and to feel worthy.
Ironically the more I did that, the less worthy I really felt. My anxiety and stress amplified.
The symptoms of self abandonment can show up as anxiety, depression, emotional distress, addiction and chronic illness.
When we abandon ourselves we disconnect from our bodies. We are re-creating trauma.
Despair, loneliness, grief, anger and deep sadness are usually the emotions experienced when we get in this state. it is common to say “I lost myself”.
So how to begin the return to Self?
That is what healing is, a return to wholeness, to our hearts and to our essence. We reconnect with the parts that we abandoned long time ago. It is a journey that restores vitality, joy, love, peace and freedom - the qualities of our wholeness. We come back “home”..
The first step is to admit the truth, with no fear and judgment. The truth that sounds like “I abandoned myself, I neglected my own needs to please others or to feel worthy”.
Start stating the truth and your journey of courage, healing and empowerment can begin.
The second step is to make a decision to begin the path of return, the path of healing. This is the step where you begin to reconnect with your body. Start with simple things like breath, hydration, diet so you can increase your life force. You will need your life force - energy to create the changes you want.
The third step is to know your true values. What do you care about? What is your dream? What matters to you? Here you build a map, you have your reference points that will help you to make decisions and know the direction of your life. This will help you to say ‘NO” to people and activities that don’t align with your values.
The forth step is re-learning to feel. Here you start exploring your emotions deeper, and begin healing the suppressed and repressed old emotions that have caused your suffering. Here you also address the limiting beliefs that directed a lot of your actions and decisions in the past.
I used the word “steps” to keep it all simple for you reader. The path of return isn’t a formula and it is not a straight line. It is a lifetime journey, a daily practice of connecting with you body, heart and soul.
I recommend you take this journey with a teacher, a guide. I have worked with a teacher for years, more than one at times. A great teacher/guide can see your blind spots, can hold you hand when things feel dark and hard, because it will. We liberate ourselves from our suffering by feeling the pain that has been trapped for years. In the other side of your suffering there is freedom.
Work with someone who has been doing the work themselves, inner child and shadow work. Make sure he/she is trauma informed. And most importantly, someone you feel safe with. Your body will know.
Take the journey back to wholeness, what else will you do with your life?
If you are interested in learning about this work and see if I am the right guide for you, send me an email at alex@alexgilcoaching.com
You are worthy, and the world needs you!
Much love, Alex.
"I rebel by loving more”. Alexander Pope